BenPaddon.co.uk

Michelle recently reminded me of The Importance Of Planning. Planning definitely isn’t what I would call one of my talents, or at least it isn’t something I’ve been particularly good at in the past. But that’s something I’m changing. I’ve gotten off of my arse to do a lot of important things recently. One of the most important things has been getting the ball rolling on learning to drive, something I thought I’d done before I went to England but it turns out I booked an appointment to renew the Drivers License I don’t have yet, so a week ago I booked my new appointment.

That’s not what this blog post is about, though. No, this blog post is about my writing. Michelle reminded me of the importance of having a portfolio of writing samples (she and David have been asking me for writing samples for about two weeks now, as there’s a chance I may be writing an episode of ./shutdown at some point), which is something I have always wondered about - do I need to write a bunch of full-length screenplays? What goes into a writing portfolio? My research yielded few results, but Michelle (she’s smart, is Michelle) tells me that a writing portfolio really only needs a handful of scripts maybe 3 or 4 pages in length that act as examples of my writing.

Well, I have a ton of short scenes I’ve written. They’re just not in script format.

Last night I sat down and started adapting some of my ficlets into screenplay format. It’s an interesting process - not everything I’ve put across in the (admittedly minimal) narrative can be just transplanted over, so I have to somehow set the same tone, send the same messages without necessarily using the same words or (in extreme cases) the context. Writing screenplays is, i think, more about writing what you can see than what you can feel.

Or possibly that’s bollocks.

I’m enjoying taking these teeny-tiny stories I wrote and adapting them for a different medium. I’m not doing all of them; mostly I’m focusing on dialogue-driven stories, but I did flesh out Ottoman’s Treasure a little (renaming it “Bard” in an effort to make it sound less like a Nicholas Cage movie). That was interesting, because it focuses more on crushing disappointment than on humour, so it’s very different from my usual shtick.

I was originally planning on only adapting six of these ficlets. I think I may benefit from adapting a few more. It couldn’t hurt, right?

I know a couple of other writer-buddies occasionally read my blog, so any feedback or suggestions you guys could give me about what else should/could go in the portfolio would be great. I’m planning on including the latest version of the Jump Leads pilot script, and possibly the Writers Bible too. I could include some of my ficlets in their original form as well - probably best not to use the ones I’m adapting, though. What do you think?

With ficlets.com seemingly suffering technical woes, I’m unable to actually post what I’ve just written. It was largely inspired by this new story that Andrew shared via Google Reader. I found it difficult not to turn it into some kind of story.

Detective Merope stepped out of the rain into the smoke-filled bar lit by neon signs promoting various brands of beer. He’d never been much of a beer man. Scotch was more his drink. It’d be the death of him one day, if this job didn’t get him first.

Merope saw his man at the bar and hovered towards an empty seat at his side. Time was of the essence.

“Buzz on the street is you know who’s behind the Mallory Road killings,” said the Detective, keeping his gaze fixed on the bar in front. People, he’d found, were intimidated by this.

“Yeah?” said the gaunt man next to him, a beer in his hand and a drunken twinkle in his eye. “I don’t know nuffin.”

“You’re testing my patience and I’m running out of time,” rasped Merope. He pulled his coat back to revel his weapon. “I really don’t wanna have to use this in front of all these nice people.”

“Yer bluffin,” the man smiled. “You gots one shot with that. Two, tops. Then yer dead.”

“You willing to bet your life on that? Because the sweat on your brow says otherwise.”

I’ll post it on Ficlets once they get their act together. I’m considering cross-posting ficlets here from now on as well.

Interesting Sidenote: This is my 100th ficlet. Or it will be, once it appears on the site. In the words of Socrates, “Woo.”

Edit - ficlets.com is now up and running again, so I’ve posted the ficlet there as well.  I’ve had to make some minor tweaks - MSWord originally counted twelve less characters than I’d actually used.

I haven’t been doing Ficlet Fridays in a while, probably because my ficlet-writing has sort-of fluctuated from Every Damned Day to When I Damned Well Feel Like It. That means some days I’m writing three or four, and some days I’m writing bugger-all. But I’m writing, and that’s the important thing. So the Ficlet Friday updates will be sporadic, with updates usually every two or three weeks listing the ficlets I’ve written… well, since the last one.

So here we go. Read the rest of this entry »

I haven’t written many ficlets over the past week or two. The weekend before last I was in Houston between Friday and Monday and so I didn’t do a lot of writing at all, and when I got back I felt largely uninspired. It’s taken me another week to get back into the swing of things. I have no idea why. It has, of course, totally thrown my “write a ficlet every day forever” out of whack, but I will be making an effort to do so from now on.

In any case, here’s a new Ficlet Friday.

Twain, Poe and Tesla: Journey to the Center of the Future (sequel to Twain and Poe Have Words with the Inventor by uselessness) - Jan 7th
“Hold tight, everyone!” shouted Poe. “It’s gonna be a bumpy one!”
Hobo Beard Bob wrote a superb ficlet entitled Twain and Poe: Heroes of Space and Time, and from there has spanned this incredibly cheesy scifi yarn with contributions from many people. I’ve only made a couple of contributions - a later entry will appear further down this list - but I fear that I don’t know enough about what is currently going on with the story to successfully continue the yarn. It’s great stuff, though.

b:\lief\ - Jan 7th
Unit 42A crossed his extremities and lowered his Upper Feature Expressors into an angry frown. “I can’t believe you still cling to this absurd notion that we were made by some kind of benevolent creator…”
There’s a sort of marvelous irony about the notion of robots debating their origins and whether or not there is a “Creator” - a sort of robot God. I’d love to flesh this idea out a bit.

Unexpected Visitors - Jan 8th
He hadn’t struggled at all. He wished he’d put up more of a fight, that he’d tried to save himself, but he was hardly the strongest person in the world.
This story actually started out completely differently, although it kept the same core idea. Originally a ficlet about the thoughts racing through a man’s mind as he finds himself tied and gagged in someone’s car boot, I decided to move it into the character’s own home. The idea that his home, his personal space, has been violated in this manner just seemed much more powerful an image to me.

This has nothing to do with Robin Williams - Jan 8th
“The thing I don’t like about Bicentennial Man…”
It’s funny, really - I started writing this ficlet to express my displeasure about the end of that film by having two characters debate it. By the time I had finished writing I had completely changed my own mind.

Twain and Tesla: Funeral for a Friend (a sequel to Twain and Tesla’s Excellent Adventure by uselessness) - Jan 9th
On the barren landscape of the planet I’ll Give It A Proper Name Later…
…and I’d better not include anything more there to avoid giving away the story for those of you who haven’t read it properly.

Origin of Species: A Prologue (a prequel to b:\lief\) - Jan 9th
It happened so long ago now that it’s not even history anymore.
After I wrote b:\lief\ I found myself wondering: Who are these robots? Where did they come from? I decided to write a brief ficlet to cover this. I have since written a much longer version of this ficlet which tells the same basic story but adds much more detail, depth and (hopefully) humour. I may share it here at some point.

World 1-3 - Jan 16th
“Y’know, if you hold down the B button you’ll run faster.”
This stems from a piece of advice I appear to have to give my sister every time we play a Super Mario game of some sort.

The End - Jan 22nd
He slouched back into his chair. Several minutes passed before he said, “Well?”
A semi-autobiographical account of the last few minutes of my relationship with Amy. A lot of the things I say in this ficlet are things that ultimately I didn’t say at the time, but they’re certainly how I felt.

A Friend for Dinner - Jan 22nd
No preview for this one - I don’t want to ruin the tone of the ficlet. It’s funny, though. Honest!

An Unexpected Visitor - Jan 22nd
The green light shone through his car window as he tried vainly to restart the car.
Aliens descend to the Earth to spread their message.

Dollar Value - Jan 22nd
looked down at the document in my hand. Stocks and shares, worth… well, a lot of money.
I really wish I hadn’t written this one now. It’s far too “bloggy” for a ficlet. I’m not saying it;s 100% accurate, though - I earn more than $18 an hour.

Mundane Moments Made Magnificent - A Challenge - Jan 23rd
Well bugger me. I just noticed I’ve written more than 52 ficlets. This calls for a celebration of sorts – a challenge, perhaps?

Don’t Panic - Jan 24th
I walked in to find him reading a leather-bound book with gold leafed pages.
This is actually a variation of an idea I had very nearly a month ago, and I’d decided that if David and Michelle ever asked me to write an episode of ./shutdown I’d probably use it there.

Update: And another one…

Special Delivery - Jan 24th
He had walked across barren deserts, across endless plains of flat, lifeless land.
The idea popped into my head on my way back from lunch today, and I had to write it down.

Last week I forgot to do a Ficlet Friday, so this week you get a double-bill. Opening line, brief blurb, etc.

Raison d’être - Dec 17th
He didn’t know how to play one.
It’s about a guitar. I don’t know where this came from as I can’t play the guitar myself.

Routine - Dec 18th
Every day, Robert’s alarm clock would go off at precisely 6:00am.
This is pretty much how my mornings go these days, save for the radio. I have an iPod alarm clock now, so more often than not I am woken up by Muse, Gorillaz, or the Feeling.

The Voyage Home - Dec 19th
“So, if Zapp Brannigan promoted Kif to Captain at the end of ‘A Flight to Remember,’ why is he still Zapp’s PA in subsequent episodes?”
I wanted to write something geeky. I also wanted to write a very short road trip story. This is what my mind vomited up.

The allusion of illusion - Dec 21st
One day, you’ll remember. You’ll recall everything that has occurred here with lucid clarity.
This one started out as another attempt to write a future-tense ficlet.

Read Me - Dec 21st
UNIVERSE v8.5.2 WIP #9 (12.21.2007)
Regular visitors to the Jump Leads Forum will recognise this one.

Journey of the Sorcerer (sequel to Later, In The Common Room At Ten Faeries’ Den Hostel by Howie Amourscow) - Dec 22nd
“This is your task to undertake, and yours alone. I bid you good luck.”
Howie’s ficlet is a sequel to my previous story, But Wait, There’s More. This is a continuation of the same thread, and an idea which popped into my cavernous cranium during a long walk. What if Gerkyn was able to sell one of his crappy quests?

The Plea - Dec 26th
I made a promise to you. I didn’t keep it. I’m sorry.
An apologetic plea from someone to someone else. I don’t know where it came from.

[Minimum Length Challenge] Hesitation - Dec 27th
No opening line here, I’m afraid - it’s my shortest ficlet to date.

Do You Want To Know A Secret - Dec 27th
He hadn’t slept in days. Ideas didn’t sleep; why should he?
A story about unrecognised genius. Named for a song by Alvin and the Chipmunks because it amused me to do so.

Killer Queen - Dec 28th
She’d long since had enough. Grabbing her rocket launcher, she climbed the stairs onto the roof of the building.
Inspired purely by the title of the Queen song it’s named after.

The Sleeping Giant - Dec 31st
There is a trick that cat owners, when moving home, can use to help their pet become familiar with their new surroundings.
It’s not actually about cats. It’s probably not about giants either, to be honest.

Rap II: The Rappening - Dec 31st / Jan 2nd
Oh, drat! Another rap, just like that! What am I thinking?
Y’know, when I was in High School I used to rap a little. Never when anyone was about, of course. I would probably feel ashamed about it were it not for the single important fact that it was what I now know to be called Nerdcore Hiphop. After writing that horrible little rap about my name I just got the bug to write another one. I started it in 2007 and finished it in 2008. I apologise, world.

Sequelitis - Jan 1st
“I don’t get it.”
I’ve had a couple of requests from readers to write sequels to some of my ficlets, which I feel rather defeats the entire purpose of a collaborative writing website, but there we are. I started writing this dialogue between two people to vent my frustration about it, but by the time I’d finished the discussion I actually came to realise a possible reason why people weren’t writing their own sequels or prequels.

Background Music - Jan 2nd
Dan sat on the couch with the controller in his hands, the marvelous environs of Super Mario Galaxy rendered on the TV in front of him, and Gorillaz’ “Demon Days” album playing on the entertainment system. Greg appeared pained by this.
A brief conversation between two gamers, based on something Amy used to do that really bugged me.

Damien Gallant: Secret Agent Extraordinaire -  Jan 3rd
“Quickly!” said Damien Gallant, Secret Agent and habitual womanizer. “We must defuse the nuke before Vile has a chance to detonate it!”
I was hit by the urge to write a really cheesy spy/action story. This is the end result. Fun Fact: “Vile” was the name my friend Ryan and I gave to the bad guy in the RPG we were making in High School.

An Employment Opportunity - Jan 4th
“Let me put it this way,” said the man behind the large oak desk. “Have you ever seen that Kirstie Alley movie, ‘Toothless’?”
This ficlet is based on an old idea that’s been floating around my head for some time now. I actually tried to write this idea as my NaNoWriMo in 2006. This is the first time I’ve written something of the concept down and been content with it. Fun Fact: “Toothless” is an actual movie, released in 1997. It’s crap.

Once again the Hive Mind wishes to impart unto you a week’s worth of Ficletty goodness. As per the norm, you’ll see the opening line and a brief blurb about the Ficlet. Huzzah!

A Brief Discovery - Dec 8th
The key opened the door, and when he walked in he was surprised by what he found there.
Which is actually a rather large chunk of the story. This one was written exceptionally quickly on Saturday night, just as we were about to pop out and see The Golden Compass. As such it doesn’t really start anywhere or go anywhere. There’s a reason this is the only Ficlet I’ve written that doesn’t have a rating at all.

Learning Curve (sequel to The Indian by Terminus) - Dec 9th
I didn’t really ask for a conversation with this man, and I certainly wasn’t expecting to be on the receiving end of his own personal preaching.
Something about the original ficlet made me wonder what, if anything, the Cheyenne man was getting at. So I followed it up with this.

Recursion - Dec 10th
Menacingly, they stepped towards him.
A short story about time travel.

Am I Going Nuts? - Dec 11th
He awoke to discover that he was now a packet of dry roasted peanuts.
No, I don’t know where I was going with this one either. Still, it was fun to write and was apparently a lot of fun to read.

[YodaOnCrack's Rap Challenge] An Unexceptional Nom de Plume - Dec 11th
B to the E to the N to the P To the Addon
When someone on the Internet challenges you to write a short rap about your Pen Name… well, that’s just not the sort of request you can turn down, is it?

The Cleverest Thing Anyone Has Ever Written - Dec 12th
“This is the cleverest thing anyone has ever written,” beamed Martin, looking at the story he’d just finished writing.
I think that everyone who has ever sat down to write a story has, at some point, either thought about writing a story about someone trying to write a story, or has actually written one. I think I might fall into the latter category, but I honestly can’t remember.

The Chase - Dec 13th
He wasn’t sure where this path would lead, but he didn’t care.
It doesn’t lead where you think it’s going, either. I think this one just sort of fell out of my brain bit by bit, and I didn’t know what I was writing until I’d finished writing it. I’m not entirely happy with the ending but people seem to like it, so I shan’t bugger about with it.

Lights and Clockwork - Dec 14th
“It’s revolutionary,” said the Professor, smiling.
The story is hardly original, although I like to think that I’m approaching it from a different, more “fun” angle. The title comes from a line in one of the movies referenced in the story. See if you can guess which one.

It’s that time of the week, folks! Seven new Ficlets for you to devour with your mighty brains. As usual they are accompanied by the opening line, and also a brief bit of info.

An Unexpected Implication (prequel to An Undesirable Happenstance, my first ficlet) - Dec 1st
They’d been wandering for days, and they’d found nothing.
People had been asking for some kind of expansion of the concept behind my first ficlet, and I obliged. It’s not something I’ll be doing again, though - I don’t enjoy revisiting old stories as much as I do creating new ones.

The Script Editor - Dec 2nd
“This is rubbish.”
Partially inspired by the entertainment industry’s desire for spectacle over story, although the Script Editor’s “suggestion” is based in part on a request Jon Peters made for the unfilmed Superman Lives movie, that eventually worked its way into the film Wild Wild West.

Worry Ye Not - Dec 3rd
There wasn’t really anything he could do now.
Why stress out over circumstances you cannot possibly change? Just relax and let the world take you where you’re meant to go.

Sweatin’ Bullets - Dec 4th
From the moment she walked into my office I knew she was no good.
Film noir style narration. The title is taken from a repeated line in the Something Awful Flash Tub “Him Name Is Hopkin Green Frog“.

Acrylic Bars - Dec 5th
He will be talented, and what’s more he’ll know he is.
An experiment in writing a story using the future tense.

The Careless Creator - Dec 6th
In the beginning was the word, and the word was “Bugger.”
Don’t worry, I spoke to God about this ficlet and he’s totally cool with it.

Secrets From the Future - Dec 7th
I can’t talk long and I don’t have much time, so just shut up and listen.
A warning of things to come, involving theft, ex-girlfriends and friends in the north. Named after MC Frontalot’s second album, although it has little to do with the content of the titular track.

Well, you lot appear to have done the trick - “ficlets guy” Kevin Lawyer have emailed me regarding Blondie Babe’s ratings and comments:

Hey, I’ve sent Barbie Babe a note. I can’t delete the comments right now, but will look at all of her comments on Monday morning and see about deleting them.

Thanks for your reports!

Kevin Lawver
ficlets guy

Thanks to those of you who helped - you can stop now!

Here are the ficlets I’ve written since my last update. Again, they’re accompanied by the opening line.

Head games (a sequel to One Little Push) - Nov 28th
Perhaps he should have been worried.

To Serve Man - Nov 29th
The kettle begins to whistle, and before the sound has a chance to pick up any real volume the droid lifts it off the small gas heater and pours hot water into the teacup, then uses the remaining contents to fill up a hot water bottle.

Booze for Thought - Nov 30th
“Your problem,” said Jake, “Is that y’dunno ‘ow to communicate.”

I’ve written a few more ficlets since I last mentioned them, so here’s a list. I imagine I’ll end up doing weekly updates, ideally later on in the week than Tuesday (I would eventually like to get into the habit of doing a regular “Ficlet Friday”).

The stories are listed here from oldest to newest, and are accompanied with the opening line.

A transmuted Universe - Nov 23rd
There was something fundamentally wrong with the Universe.

Unfathomable (a prequel to The Shed) - Nov 24th
He feels, to put it mildly, distraught.

Job Satisfaction - Nov 25th
There was this lovely couple out on a date.

The parrots eat ‘em all - Nov 26th
His head was pounding now, as though the contents of his skull were trying to force their way out.

But Wait, There’s More - Nov 27th
“This is your task to undertake,” said Gerkyn the Wizard, “And yours alone. I bid you good luck.”

I’m rather taken with Ficlets. It’s the perfect antidote to both my utter failure to even start NaNoWriMo this year, and my yearning to write something different. Yesterday I wrote An Undesirable Happenstance, which ended up going in a completely different direction from where it’d started, and today I have written Death of a Boring Callcentre Employee, which is based on an idea I had last night. Writing it was very edifying. It’s been online an hour and someone has already written a prequel. They’ve added something to the story that I hadn’t even thought of, and while it’s a little off-the-wall I have to say I quite like it.

My goal, and this is a goal I imagine I will eventually fail to fulfill, is to write one Ficlet a day every day. Let’s see how that goes, shall we?

Edit: I wrote another one. I’ve lost all self-control.

I just discovered Ficlets, and decided to write something. It’s not great, but it’s there. Enjoy!