Vincent came into work yesterday after spending most of the week suspiciously AWOL, bringing with him one simple command: “Look in the freezer.” A short walk to the kitchen later, opening the freezer revealed… well, nothing. That is, until Vincent put his hand in and pulled out a nondescript plastic bag. He handed it to me, and I immediately knew what the contents were. I peeled away the slightly stiff packaging (arf) and inside was the Ninth Doctor, still bound and gagged. He has since been returned to his rightful triumphant position on my work desk, but there are questions which still need answering.
For instance, how did Vincent know? He claims he was little more than “just the messenger,” but I’m sure he’s more than just a simple Pez Dispenser*. I might even be inclined to say that he’s the mastermind behind the entire thing.
I shall keep you all informed.
* “Pez Dispenser” is a term I coined to describe any sort of job which adds an unnecessary component to a workflow. The thinking behind the term is this: Pez, those horrible yet somehow enticing fruit-flavoured candies, generally come with those horrible plastic dispensers in the shape of a cartoon character. The candy goes in and they can be dispensed by pulling the head back (apparently teaching kids that there are sweet rewards in store for breaking peoples’ necks). The thing is, you have to spend time and effort loading the candy into the dispenser before it can be, well, dispensed. It’s quicker, easier, and less of a chore to just eat the fucking candy and skip the dispenser altogether.